I hate all girls vehemently.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize