My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
