is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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