she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
