it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
