This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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