It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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