i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
