I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
