I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
