Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
