dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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