i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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