I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
