Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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