i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
