He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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