I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
