I'm so fucking centered right now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
