i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
