Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's paint friendship bongs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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