i permit you to call me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
