I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Pooping to opera.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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