My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
