bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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