I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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