If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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