Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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