those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
