I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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