Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
