i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
