I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
