Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
