I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
