We won't sleep together?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
