i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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