Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
