she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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