with your own penis?
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
