Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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