I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
