Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize