This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
