I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
