so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
