i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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