the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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