who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
