in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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