i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
