I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
