i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
