Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
