I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
whose parrot is this?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
