Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
