It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
