also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
