my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
