Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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