Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
