Can Purell be used as lube?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
