I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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