I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
